Fore Play with the Balz Brothers: Jim and Harry’s Take On Golf

Jim: Welcome to Fore Play with the Balz Brothers, our new golf section. We’ve argued about football, hockey and hoops. We’ve argued about the Rockies, which is the saddest argument in sports. Now we’re taking it to the golf course, because the golf world has had it too easy for too long.

Harry: We’re a couple of nuts. Why should golf be spared our talents?

Jim: “Talents” is a strong word for what you do on a golf course.

Meet the Balz Brothers, Golfers

Jim: I’m the one with the yardage book, the stat sheet and a pre-shot routine. I know my handicap, my fairways hit and my average putts per round.

Harry: I’m the one who knows where the beer cart is at all times. Jim plays golf. I play golf-adjacent.

Jim: Harry’s range routine tells you everything. He buys a small bucket of balls for nine holes and a large bucket of balls for 18. Not for practice. To play the round.

Harry: That’s called planning ahead, Jim.

Harry’s Signature Shot: The Worm Burner

Jim: Most golfers fear water hazards. Not my brother. Harry is the undisputed king of the worm burner, a low line drive that never gets more than six inches off the ground. When it hits a pond, it doesn’t sink. It skips across the top like a flat rock.

Harry: Three skips and onto the green, and Jim still calls it a bad shot. Results, brother. Results.

Jim: It went through two bunkers and a family of geese on the way.

The Beer Cart Rule

Jim: Every foursome needs rules. Ours has one: keep Harry off the beer cart. Not near it. Not riding on it. Not “helping” restock it.

Harry: I was being neighborly.

Jim: You followed it for three holes and skipped two of them. And no, you can’t mount a beer bong on our golf cart. I don’t care how many zip ties you brought. The course marshal has your picture.

Harry: It was an engineering project. Golf needs innovation.

(For the record: Sports By The Balz supports responsible drinking, designated drivers and keeping the golf cart on the cart path. Harry is a cautionary tale, not a role model.)

Why Fore Play with the Balz Brothers?

Jim: Golf is a great game that takes itself way too seriously. Fore Play with the Balz Brothers is our fix: golf humor and golf jokes for Colorado golfers and weekend hackers, mixed with real tips on gear, courses and golf trips. Whether you shoot in the 70s or, like Harry, measure your round in buckets, this is your new 19th hole.

What’s Coming to Fore Play

Jim: Here’s what we’re teeing up, with real information you can actually use:

• The Balz Bros Golf Gift Guide: gear for the serious golfer on your list, plus Harry’s picks for the golfer who mainly needs a cart cooler.
• Winter Golf Escapes for Coloradans: where Denver golfers go when the home course is under snow.
• The Balz Bros Golf Bucket List: dream resort courses, rated by Jim on the course and by Harry on the clubhouse bar.
• Jim vs. Harry, Majors Edition: our scorecard rivalry moves to golf’s majors, starting with a Masters countdown.
• 19th Hole Reviews: Colorado clubhouses, indoor golf simulators and winter golf hangouts.
• Harry’s Handicap Diary: Harry’s ongoing quest to break 100. Pray for him.

Harry: And yes, every post comes with jokes about our last name. We’ve heard them all. We made most of them.

Jim: Grab your clubs, a large bucket of balls if you’re Harry, and follow along. Fore Play is officially open.

— Jim and Harry Balz, Sports By The Balz